Electric Feel
by emileighhs
Summary: Rewrite of my story Tender Torture. After the 74th Annual Hunger Games, Katniss finds it hard to stay asleep at night. She finds her comfort in Peeta and their usual night cuddles turn into something more. Katniss finds out she's pregnant just before the Quarter Quell announcement and she must face the consequences during the Games and the rebellion.
1. Chapter 1

hello! This is a rewrite of my other story Tender Torture because I knew it could be better than I had originally written it as and I apologize! I hope people will actually read this one :) short beginning chapter but they will get longer! Thank you for reading and please review!

* * *

_All along the eastern shore_  
_Put your circuits in the sea_  
_This is what the world is for_  
_Making electricity_  
_You can feel it in your mind_  
_Oh you can do it all the time_  
_Plug it in and change the world_  
_You are my electric girl_

* * *

Katniss Everdeen pressed her pillow against her face and tried to suffocate herself. Anymore nightmares waking her up in the middle of the night and she would jump out of her bedroom window.

With a heavy sigh, she pushed her pillow away and kicked off her covers. Snow fell lazily outside of her window and Katniss pressed her palm against the glass until her heart stopped thumping painfully in her chest. The air in her room tasted stale and hot. She wanted to throw open her window but she knew her mother would be angry if Katniss let their hot air seep out.

Katniss sat on her bed and tugged her boots on, lacing them tightly. She didn't bother with a jacket, but she carefully crept down the stairs so she wouldn't disturb Prim or their mother.

Successfully on the second floor, Katniss pushed open her front door and stepped out into the cold night. The freezing cold air knocked the breath clean out of her lungs and woke her up fully.

It had only been a few months since the Games. Katniss rarely saw Haymitch since he was holed up in his house with bottles upon bottles of alcohol. She didn't know what she expected. She almost thought since her and Peeta won, maybe Haymitch wouldn't be such an alcohol. But she really knew he'd be back to drinking as soon as the train doors closed behind him.

Peeta, on the other hand, Katniss had seen a lot of. Haymitch had turned back to alcohol and Katniss had turned to Peeta, oddly enough. When the pair arrived in District 12, Katniss knew Peeta wouldn't want to be around her. He had, after all, found out that all of those kisses and words Katniss had said in the arena weren't real.

But that was another thing she wasn't right about. And another weird thing was that it was Katniss who found her way to Peeta, not the other way around.

Katniss had sex with Peeta. She was no longer a virgin.

It was weird to think about. Katniss hadn't even kissed anyone a few months back and then suddenly she loses her virginity to a boy who loved her. Who she didn't love back.

And it wasn't just a onetime thing. Katniss found herself in Peeta's room more times than she cared to admit. It was always after a nightmare and afterward as she's tugging on her clothes, she actually feels better. After the first few times, she had come to the conclusion that it made her mind go completely blank when she was with him. She forgot her nightmares and the arena and those horrible mutts as soon as his lips were against her.

Maybe it wasn't the kind of therapy she needed, but she didn't care. Peeta didn't either. Katniss told him she didn't feel the same, and he would shrug and tell her he knew she didn't.

Katniss rolled her eyes and stepped further out into her front yard. Then she carefully walked three doors down, trying not to slip on ice.

Peeta was sitting on his front steps, staring blankly at the snow. He blinked when Katniss came into view and he lifted his head from his arms.

"Hi," she said, rubbing her arms.

"Hi," he replied. His eyes were slightly puffy and they looked slightly angry. She wondered if he'd been crying, but it wasn't any of her business. She took a seat next to him and tucked her knees close to her chest.

"Couldn't sleep?" Peeta asked. He wasn't looking at her; he was back to staring at the snow.

"No, not really," Katniss answered. She wanted him to kiss her but she knew he wouldn't move without her moving first. Tonight wasn't a good night, though because Katniss had thrown up all morning. Her mother wasn't quite sure what she had, but she gave her some herbal tea and told her to rest.

Either way, Katniss didn't want to give whatever she had to Peeta. Besides, she had been thinking about it earlier and she decided maybe she should find a better way to fix herself. She couldn't rely on Peeta to pick up her pieces and glue them back together for her. She needed to do it herself.

"Me neither."

"Do you want to…?" Katniss trailed off and gestured toward his front door. Peeta always helped fight off her nightmares ever since they were in the caves. She always slept peacefully when she was in his arms.

He seemed to know exactly what she was talking about. No sex, just sleep.

Peeta leads Katniss up the familiar path to his room. She kicked off her boots and crawled underneath the covers. Peeta slipped in a few seconds later and pulled her into his arms. Her fingers curled against his chest and she snuggled against him.

Just as she suspected, she was asleep within minutes.

* * *

The next morning, Katniss climbed out of an empty bed, blinking up at the sun streaming through the window. Sleepily, she pulled her boots on and headed down the stairs.

Peeta was in the kitchen, pulling a fresh loaf of bread out of his oven. Katniss could smell the turkey she brought him the other day cooking and her hand automatically went over her mouth. She was going to throw up. She spun away from the kitchen and shoved open the door to the hallway bathroom. She retched into the toilet but nothing came up. She hadn't eaten since the morning before she started vomiting.

"Are you okay?" Peeta asked from behind her. He touched her back softly and she sat up, wiping her hand across the back of the mouth.

"I'm sick," she said simply. She rinsed out her mouth in the sink, ignoring Peeta's curious eyes. "I'm going to go back home," she told him, pressing her cold hands against her cheeks.

"Okay," Peeta said, watching her.

She left his house, crossing her arms against the chilly morning air. The world spun around her, a white blur, and she paused, pressing her hands to her head and willing the world to just stop. The nausea passed seconds later and Katniss pushed open her front door.

"There you are."

Katniss blinked at her mom seated at the kitchen table and nodded. She just wanted to go lie down for a while. No hunting today. She wasn't sure if her stomach could handle that.

"Katniss, come here."

Katniss shook her head. "I'm not feeling well. I'm just going to go-"

"_Katniss._"

Her mother's tone made Katniss freeze. She turned and her mother gestured to the chair across from her. Katniss took the seat and rested her chin in her hands, slightly annoyed.

"Katniss, I have to ask you something and I need you to answer it truthfully."

"Okay," she grumbled.

"Have you had sex?"

"_What?_" Katniss gasped, sitting up, fully paying attention now. There was no possible way her mother could know she was sleeping with Peeta. Neither of them told anyone.

"Have you?"

"Why?"

"This is serious, Katniss," her mother said, her tone firm. "I need to know."

"Why?" Katniss asked again. She could feel her face heating up, hot blood slowly creeping up her neck and settling on her cheeks. She had never been more embarrassed.

"I think you're pregnant."

Her mother might as well kicked Katniss in the throat. Her words had the same effect.

"_Pregnant?!" _Katniss cried, her voice shrill.

"I said I think. You've been sick and you were describing the same thing another girl had last week. I gave her a pregnancy test and she was pregnant. So, are you sexually active?"

"Oh my God." Katniss dropped her head in her hands and breathed out roughly. Pregnant? She could be _pregnant?_ Katniss didn't even want any kids _at all_, let alone at sixteen.

"Uh, yes." She finally said, her head still down, her voice muffled coming through her arms.

"Come on then. Let's give you a test."

* * *

Katniss was pregnant. The test came out positive and her mother had just stared at her until Katniss left her room. She trudged back across the snow, glaring at her footprints from the night before.

She didn't bother knocking on Peeta's front door. She stomped in and found Peeta still in the kitchen, sitting at the dining table and sketching in his book. He looked up when she came in.

"Hi," he said, frowning slightly.

"I'm pregnant," Katniss blurted.

"Shit" was all Peeta said, and Katniss thought it summed up things pretty nicely.


	2. Chapter 2

_Babe, the night it swallowed my soul_  
_Could it be that I fell apart it shows_  
_The lines on the face ate away my smile_  
_Could it be that I fell apart_

* * *

Peeta closed his sketchbook and stared at Katniss in disbelief. She was staring back at him, looking angry as if it were his fault. He wanted to remind her it wasn't _he _who had kissed her first. But he knew it would only upset her and he didn't want to do that.

"Shit," he said, dropping his pencil on top of his closed sketchbook. Katniss walked into the kitchen and yanked out the chair next to him. She sat down hard.

"Yeah," she said, crossing her arms across her chest. "_Shit._"

Peeta reclined slightly, staring hard at his kitchen table. She was pregnant? There was a baby inside of her? _His _baby? Peeta felt like someone punched him hard in the chest. He scrubbed his face with his hands.

"Well?" Katniss asked. Peeta raised his eyes and saw she was watching him, her grey eyes stormier than usual.

"Well what?"

"Well what are we supposed to do? This isn't going to be kept a secret. We only have a few months until the seventy-fifth games and we have to mentor kids. Everyone will know about the star-crossed lovers' baby."

Peeta leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. She was right. The media would be crawling over each other to get pictures of Katniss pregnant. He tried to think what President Snow would be thinking about this. Then he remembered Katniss's conversation with Snow.

_Convince me, _he had said.

Peeta thought for a moment. A baby could do that, right? A real pregnancy? And a marriage, they could throw that in, too. It wasn't the way Peeta had ever thought about marrying Katniss, but under the circumstances, he didn't have a choice. If they got married and announced the pregnancy, then maybe Snow would back off, if only for a little while. Maybe they could convince him.

"Hey. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing."

"What are you talking about?" Katniss snapped.

"President Snow. I mean, if we got married with a huge Capitol wedding and then announced the pregnancy, maybe it would calm the Districts. If we play this whole lovesick thing and maybe prove we couldn't keep our hands off of each other when we got back, this could work."

Katniss was frowning at him, her chin in her hand. His comment about them not being able to keep their hands off of each other kind of annoyed her, he could tell.

"Right?" he asked. She nodded slowly. "I need to tell Haymitch."

He made to stand up but Katniss reached out quickly and caught his wrist.

"No!" she said quickly. "No, don't tell him yet. I…I need to…" she trailed off, frowning, but Peeta understood.

"Yeah," he said, sitting back down. "Okay. That's okay."

She didn't let go of his wrist and he turned his hand up, catching her hand in his. Her frown deepened at their fingers before she turned her hand up, too, and intertwined their fingers.

Peeta had always wanted kids, so this really wasn't a big deal for him. But he knew Katniss didn't want any. He knew some women could terminate the pregnancy because having another mouth to feed really was a burden. They both had money now, almost enough money to feed the whole District if they really wanted to. Money wasn't the problem.

The Games were. Peeta knew how entertaining it would be if the two winners of the 74th Hunger Games child was "randomly selected" to be thrown into the arena. How dramatic that would be; how suspenseful. It would capture the attention of the audience.

Thinking about it made Peeta angry. No, they couldn't have his child. Maybe they should just let the rebellion bubble over; let the Districts rebel. Then Peeta thought rationally. Twelve would be knocked off next, just like Thirteen, and if there were any survivors, where would they even go? Katniss thought District 13 was real, but Peeta couldn't quite convince himself.

No, the safest way was to get married. They needed get the Districts under control. The best thing anyone could ever do in Panem is survive, not fight. There wasn't any other option.

He ran his thumb over the back over her hand and she squeezed his fingers. Maybe Katniss told him she didn't love him, but there was definitely something there inside of her. Why would she keep coming back to him if there wasn't? She could have just ignored him until the Victory Tour but she didn't. She could have just not kissed him that morning when he brought her fresh bread, tasting like sleep and mint. That was the beginning of it all, that kiss. He didn't want to think about it because it made his chest hurt.

Katniss slipped her fingers out of his and he pretended that it didn't make his chest ache, too. When she left, he watched her, his shoulders slumping only slightly. After the door shut behind him and Peeta was painfully aware of how lonely his house was, he picked up his pencil and flipped open his sketchbook, continuing where he left off on a picture of Cato as he cleaned his bloody sword in the lake.

* * *

Katniss's cheek ached terribly as she squeezed Gale's fingers. He surfaced from the morphine briefly, and without even really thinking, Katniss leaned forward and kissed him.

He didn't know she was pregnant. She didn't want to tell him. He, like everyone else, had no idea how many times Katniss snuck from her house into Peeta's. He would have to know eventually, though, because Peeta was already planning on how to announce their engagement. Telling him now with the snow packed onto his torn flesh didn't exactly seem like a good idea.

With a heavy burden on her chest, Katniss fell asleep with her cheek pressed against the dining table cloth.

Peeta roused Katniss the next morning, telling her she should go to her room. She stood up and squeezed Gale's fingers gently. She pretended not to notice the sad look in Peeta's eyes as she turned away from him and walked up the stairs.

* * *

The Peacekeepers didn't leave soon enough, but as soon as the door closed behind them, Katniss collapsed in a living room chair, wincing at the pain that shot up her spine. She gritted her teeth as her mother slipped off her boot.

"What happened?" she asked, turning Katniss's swollen ankle over in her hand. Katniss winced again.

"I…slipped on ice."

Her mother nodded, but Katniss was positive they all knew you couldn't get her kind of injuries just slipping on ice. But nobody said anything because the entire house was bugged.

While her mother poked around her foot, Peeta caught Katniss's eyes. He raised his eyebrows in a silent question. He wanted to know about the baby. Katniss nodded slightly. She was pretty positive the baby was fine. Prim and Katniss's mother weren't paying attention to Katniss's and Peeta's little exchange, but Haymitch noticed it. He frowned at them but didn't say anything.

Katniss instead focused on her mother as she was told she sprained her ankle and bruised her tailbone. She received pain medication and Peeta easily carried her up to her room.

He set her down gently on the bed and pulled the covers up and over her. He pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead that made Katniss want to cry. He turned to leave but she quickly caught his hand and intertwined their fingers.

"Stay with me," she mumbled, pulling on his arm slightly. He brushed the loose hair away from her face and replied softly, but she was far too gone to hear it.

* * *

Peeta dropped heavily onto his couch, his shoulders hunching forward in defeat. He felt like someone had punctured a hole in both of his lungs and the air was slowly leaking out.

He was going back into the arena. Him and Katniss. Haymitch could be chosen, but Peeta would volunteer. He had to be there to protect her. And his baby.

Peeta buried his fingers in his hair and tugged hard. He wondered where Katniss was and how she was reacting to this. Very badly, no doubt.

He felt his chest constricting, squeezing whatever breath out that he had left in his lungs.

He was going to die. He wasn't going to see his baby. He needed Katniss to get out of there alive. There could be no one else.

Peeta curled his fingers into a fist to calm himself. He needed to talk to Haymitch and fast before Katniss could get there. His legs felt heavy and unnatural as he stepped out of his house and walked next door. He didn't knock.

"I know," Haymitch said as soon as he saw him. There was an open bottle of liquor siting right next to him and the whole house smelled of it. Well, at least Haymitch was taking it well.

"I'll get her out," Haymitch continued before taking a huge swig of his alcohol. For a moment, Peeta wanted to take the bottle and chug it all. He wanted to forget what was happening. He wanted the world to spin around him. But he wasn't Haymitch. He was Peeta and he didn't drink. So he nodded his thanks to Haymitch and found his way back into his house.

He didn't realize it, but he began snapping all of his pencils. He couldn't draw if he was dead. He grabbed his nearly full sketchbook, flipped to an open page, and wrote down, "I love you, Katniss," in shaky letters.

He just wanted her to know.

* * *

So just like in Tender Torture, I just jumped around a bit because I'm sure we've all read it and know what happens. Please review!

(PS the last bit of this chapter made me sad)


	3. Chapter 3

_No matter how much I weigh, like a boxer I train_  
_Seems like the future is always gonna have its way_  
_Knocking me down, should I fold or spread_  
_My fortune hand on this hard rock bed?_

_And I don't question, no, I don't doubt_  
_Now that I've tried living with and without _  
_That was a hard, hard muscle to grow_  
_And harder still to let go_

* * *

Peeta had them train like Careers. Katniss had been all for it until she started vomiting again. Her nausea came back with a kick and her mother told her she needed to rest, not train. Then Haymitch was annoyed because he had no idea what was going on and Peeta had no choice but to tell him. He actually seemed kind of bored when Peeta told him everything and Katniss had a feeling he was thinking about how stupid her and Peeta were.

Katniss curled her legs up and tightened her grip on her mug. The only thing that wasn't really making her sick was hot chocolate even though the snow had melted and it was getting warmer outside. She was sitting on the couch, staring at the blank tv and wishing she were outside running with Peeta and Haymitch. She felt like a useless lump. If she couldn't even run a mile, she would die.

Katniss was told she was twelve weeks along. That was three months. There had been a baby inside of her for three months already and she had had no idea.

Uncurling her legs a little, Katniss settled her hand on her stomach. I didn't feel any different, really. She hadn't gained much weight. Other than the tiredness and nausea, Katniss didn't have any other symptoms. She wouldn't have ever known she was pregnant if it weren't for her mom.

Well, she had missed her period, but she was under a lot of stress and she assumed that's why it had stopped. She had thrown up a lot, too, but she thought that was another side effect of her stress. She had obviously been wrong.

She pushed her hand up underneath her shirt, touching her hot skin. Not different at all. She tried to imagine herself growing bigger, turning her sharp points and hardness into curves and softness. It was hard to imagine. She had always been skinny her whole life.

The front door opened and Katniss yanked her hand out from underneath her shirt, spilling her hot chocolate a little on herself. Peeta came into the living room, panting. Him and Haymitch were running their laps around the Victor's Village. His face was flushed and he was sweaty.

"Hey," he said, moving around to the other side of the couch.

"Hi," she replied.

Peeta studied her face and Katniss frowned, looking away. She sometimes felt like Peeta could see straight through her, like he could see the contents of her soul.

"How are you feeling? Still sick?"

He lifted the hem of his shirt and used it to wipe the sweat from his forehead. Katniss squeezed her fingers tight against her mug as her eyes landed on Peeta's stomach. He was more toned than the last time she saw him. Well, that _part _of him. She stared with wide eyes at the little V shape that disappeared into the top of his pants. Katniss blinked hard and looked away. She'd seen Peeta shirtless plenty of times.

_This isn't any different, _she told herself.

Peeta was looking at her now and she realized he had asked her a question.

"Yeah," she answered, willing herself not to blush. She definitely shouldn't be staring at Peeta.

"I'm sorry." Now he was frowning too.

"It's fine," Katniss said quickly, waving her hand.

"What are you drinking?"

Peeta took a seat at the edge of the couch Katniss was seated on, keeping a good distance between them. Katniss had a feeling their little nightly visits were done with. No more finding her way into Peeta's room whether she had a nightmare or not.

"Hot chocolate," Katniss replied, raising her mug a little. She remembered the first time she tried hot chocolate about a year ago on the train to the Capitol. Peeta had been dipping his roll into it. Thinking about rolls made Katniss's head spin so she took a sip out of her mug.

She thought about the first time she kissed Peeta outside of cameras. He had come over to bring fresh bread like he'd been doing ever since he came back. He did the same for Haymitch, too. She thought it was because now he had enough money to make as much fresh extra bread as he wanted and he liked to give it away. She didn't know if he gave it to anyone else, but she wouldn't be surprised. That was Peeta.

That morning, Katniss's mother and Prim were out picking herbs, and Katniss woke up alone with a note on her pristine dresser. She had climbed down the stairs for breakfast when the front door opened and Peeta walked in smelling slightly like cinnamon. He nodded to her, not saying anything which wasn't unusual, and he set the bread on the kitchen counter.

Katniss had been feeling lonely. She had Prim, but Prim had no true idea of what Katniss had gone through. She also had Gale, but he had kissed her and she knew he wouldn't comfort her. He would only rage on in the quiet of the woods about the Capitol and a rebellion he wanted to happen so badly.

Peeta, on the other hand, had gone through the exact same thing. He had been there with her when she shot an arrow through Cato's head. She had been with him when he was dying from poisoned blood. He sat on the stage with her as they watched themselves murder their fellow tributes.

Even though she was thinking about that now, she wasn't really sure why she kissed him at the time. Maybe it was because she was lonely. Or maybe not. She wasn't sure.

She wasn't sure when she tugged him down on the couch either. Or when she was pulling his shirt off over his head as if she had done it a thousand times before. She also wasn't sure why he didn't stop her.

"Katniss?"

Katniss blinked and realized she'd been staring out of the window, face hard.

"Huh?"

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine."

He nodded, but she could tell he wasn't very convinced. He pulled himself off of the couch and leaned down, touching the nape of her neck gently as he kissed her forehead. It was the only kind of affection they showed each other outside of their little bubble.

"Feel better, okay?"

Katniss nodded and took another sip of her drink, watching Peeta as he left, her eyes tracing the planes of his shoulders without even noticing.

* * *

The day of the reaping was hot and sultry. The population of District 12 waited, sweating and silent, in the square with machine guns trained on them. Katniss stood alone in a small roped-off area with Peeta and Haymitch in a similar pen to the right of her. The reaping took only a minute. Effie, shining in a wig of metallic gold, lacked her usual verve. She had to claw around the girls' reaping ball for quite a while to snag the one piece of paper that everyone already knew has Katniss's name on it. Then she caught Haymitch's name. He barely had time to shoot Katniss an unhappy look before Peeta volunteered to take his place.

Katniss and Peeta were ushered into the Justice building with the hopes to say their last goodbyes, but they were only met with Thread, head Peacekeeper.

"New procedure," he said with a nasty smile.

They're marched out the back door, into a car, and taken to the train station. Katniss began to panic right then. She didn't say goodbye to Prim. She didn't tell Gale that she would miss him terribly and he would have to kill a few deer for her. She didn't tell her mother she loved her.

Effie and Haymitch appeared next, escorted by guards, and they're all shoved onto the train. The wheels began to move seconds after their feet passed over the threshold.

Katniss stared out of the window, not saying a word, her eyes wide. She savored the last bit of District 12 just before the woods overtook the view. With her hormones raging from pregnancy, it took everything she had not to have a meltdown in the middle of the train. She wanted to break things and cry. But she remained seated, knowing a freak out would help no one, no matter how much she wanted to.

"We'll write letters, Katniss," Peeta said gently. She wondered if he was feeling the same way. If he was resisting the urge to have a mental breakdown. "It will be better, anyway. Give them a piece of us to hold on to. Haymitch will deliver them for us if…they needed to be delivered."

Only hers would. If she wrote any. She knew she wouldn't. Peeta could just tell her family and friends how much she loved them at her funeral.

Katniss went straight to her room, burying her face in her pillow and hoping she could just suffocate herself.

Effie knocked on her door to call her to dinner but she didn't want to eat. Her appetite had completely diminished over the past week. Most things made her just want to vomit. Her mother had told her she would have a huge appetite but there was nothing. She went to dinner anyway after much debate with herself.

The meal was quiet. There was no light chatter or even any arguing between Effie and Haymitch like usual. Peeta complimented Effie on her gold wig and she told him she wanted it to match Katniss's pin and how she thought they could look like a team.

Peeta noticed Katniss's empty plate and frowned slightly, but he didn't point it out. The smell from the chicken Effie was eating made its way to Katniss's nose and she had to try very hard not to gag. She pressed her fingers against her mouth and tried to focus on something. The only thing she could grasp was the fact that she would never see her baby sister again.

By the time the dessert was served, Katniss was feeling nauseous.

She reached over and grabbed a roll, nibbling at it cautiously. When her stomach didn't roll, she took a full bite and chewed slowly.

"Shall we watch the recap of the reapings?" Effie asked after everyone finish their dessert.

Katniss was the first to stand, not wanting to see herself, or her fellow tributes, on screen. She didn't want to know who she'd have to kill to keep Peeta alive. "I'm not feeling well. I'm going to bed."

She ignored the curious and somewhat pitiful look she received from Effie and brushed past an attendant to reach her room. She leaned over the toilet for a while, sure something was going to come up, but nothing ever did and she was left wondering if she was even nauseous or if she wanted an excuse to go to her room.

Katniss woke up slick with sweat hours later, her nightmares filled with faceless tributes hacking away at her. She pressed the palm of her hands into her eyes, sending colorful sparks dancing across the blacks of her eyelids.

"Just a dream," she whispered to herself. Soon, though, it wouldn't be a dream.

Katniss dropped her hands to her slightly swollen stomach. The brutal truth was she couldn't feel an emotional attachment to the baby. It was just…_there_, making her sick and tired. Maybe that was why it wasn't so hard thinking about dying in the arena.

Not able to stay in her compartment, Katniss ventured out into the hallway, wrapping her arms against herself in an attempt to chase away the images still in her head. She faintly heard the television on and followed the sound to find Peeta on the couch watching old Games. She barely recognized the one where Brutus became a victor flashing on the screen.

Peeta noticed her as she stepped around the edge of the couch. He rose and flipped off the television. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Not for long," she said, squeezing her arms tighter around herself. She cleared her throat as she remembered what usually happened after she came to Peeta with her nightmares. But that was long over. They couldn't do that anymore.

"Want to talk about it?" he asked.

She shook her head and Peeta's arms immediately went up. Katniss was up against his chest before she even realized it. She accepted affection, though, thinking of how needy she was.

Peeta buried his face in her hair, his breath warm against her scalp. She could feel his heart beating rhythmically underneath her fingers. He smelled like he always did, like cinnamon and dill. She didn't want to let go of him.

The arrival of a Capitol attendant pulled them apart. He set a tray with a jug and two cups on a table. "I brought some warm milk," he said, glancing at them. "And I added some honey and just a pinch of spice."

Katniss blinked in surprise. "Oh," she said, "thank you."

He gave a slight nod, and his mouth opened like he wanted to say more, but he simply shook his head and left the room.

"What was that about?" Katniss asked.

"I think he feels bad for us," Peeta replied.

"Right," she said sarcastically as she poured the milk into the two cups.

"I mean it. I don't think the people in the Capitol are going to be all that happy about our going back in. Or the other victors. They get attached to their champions."

Katniss ignored Peeta and instead gestured to the blank screen. "You're watching the tapes again?" she asked.

"Just checking out their fighting techniques."

"Who's next?"

Peeta grabbed his cup of milk and settled himself on the couch. He lifted the box of tapes into his lap and shuffled around before shrugging. "You pick." He held out the box.

Katniss ruffled through the box, looking at names and dates of existing victors. She didn't know very many victors by name. She remembered Titus, the cannibal, and Enobaria, the woman who ripped out tributes throats and ended up getting her teeth sharpened into tiny points after she won, the most.

Katniss picks up a tape that says Haymitch Abernathy. He never told them how he won, and Katniss assumed he never would. So she handed Peeta the tape and he stuck it in.

She sat next to Peeta and curled up against his side, resting her cheek against his shoulder. They both take interest in the force field Haymitch used to win.

"That force field at the bottom of the cliff, it was like the one on the roof of the Training Center. The one that throws you back if you try to jump off and commit suicide. Haymitch found a way to turn it into a weapon."

"It's almost as bad as us with the berries," Katniss said, laughing slightly. Peeta shook his head a little as though she's lost her mind. Maybe she has.

"Almost, but not quite."

They both jumped slightly and turned to see Haymitch standing behind them, sipping on a bottle of wine. Peeta glanced between the two until he stood up and gestured towards the door. "I'll walk you to your room," he said to Katniss. She nodded and followed him, avoiding Haymitch's amused yet annoyed eyes.

Peeta stopped Katniss outside her door and leaned against the frame. His eyes traveled down to her barely noticeable bump and Katniss shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. His hand reached out almost tentatively, but he stopped in the space between them. She knew what he wanted to do and she shifted her weight from foot to foot, waiting. He bit his lip and dropped his hand back by his side, curling his fingers into a fist.

"How are you?" he asked.

Katniss rolled her eyes and slid her fingers around his wrist. She tugged his hand against her stomach where there is the beginning of a curve.

Peeta smiled slightly and it felt as though he had punched her in chest. She knew he wanted kids. And here she is, pregnant with his baby, but he was never going to see it because Katniss wasn't going to make it out of the arena. She knew he was thinking the same but reversed. If she had to get pregnant, she wouldv'e done it earlier so Peeta could keep the baby. But the odds were never in her favor.

Peeta rubbed her stomach slightly before he pulled his hand away and straightened. "You should get some sleep."

Faceless tributes with weapons and blood smeared on their clothes popped into her mind and she realized she didn't want to go to sleep by herself. "Will you…?" she trailed off hopefully, tipping her head toward her door.

He gave a sad smile. "Of course."

As Katniss snuggled up to Peeta's solid, warm body, she thought of how lonely she would be without him and knew what her and Haymitch planned was the right thing to do.

* * *

Woohoo! Chapter 3! Just to clear up any confusion, I am NOT deleting Tender Torture! I'm keeping it up, so don't worry! Please review! Also, sorry if there are any mistakes I didn't catch!


	4. Chapter 4

_Oh you got a way with words my dear_

_Lean in nice and close so I can hear_

_Cover up your skin so it don't show_

_I just want to lay here a little while_

_Listen to you breathe and feel you smile_

_Pretend that we're okay and you're not leaving_

* * *

Katniss leaned forward over the sink and studied her made up face. The makeup was dramatic and dark, and Katniss remembers for a second what she looked like on the screen, face serious, unforgiving, her glowing suit casting shadows on her face. She loved looking dark and angry. She was no longer twirling in bejeweled dresses. She was as deadly as fire itself.

Taking a cloth and soaking it with soap and water, she scrubbed away the dark makeup. She took off her half crown and set it on a shelf next to the sink. Reaching around, Katniss tugged on the zipper to her skintight outfit and stepped out of it. She was just a little over four months pregnant now. Her flat stomach now had a small curve to it, but none too noticeable.

Katniss moved into her room and dug through one of the dressers, pulling out a pair of soft pants and a shirt. She pulled them on and crawled underneath the covers.

Peeta and her had decided to part ways for the night. Mostly because Katniss was annoyed that Peeta thought the whole thing with Johanna Mason from Distrcit 7 was funny. Katniss had never been comfortable with naked people, and suddenly a girl she barely knew was stripping in the elevator, and Peeta was grinning.

They were doing it because she was _innocent? _That made no sense. Did they really think it was funny that Chaff kissed her straight on the mouth? Katniss didn't think it was funny, but it took too long for Haymitch to stop laughing after that.

_Whatever_, Katniss thought irritably as she pulled her blankets tighter around herself. _Just go to sleep. _

She turned and pressed her face into her pillow, looking for sleep. But it never came easily. She was tired, her body ached from standing up for a long time and there was a throbbing pain in the small of her back. She reached back with a huff and rubbed the spot hard but that only seem to intensify the throbbing. How was she supposed to get sleep if her whole body was complaining loudly enough to wake the whole floor?

Katniss wondered if the baby was sapping her energy to use. She didn't mind, but she would really need her energy in the arena. Her tiredness may also have to do with the fact that she hadn't been eating much so her body had nothing to really get energy from. And her hormones were probably going completely crazy. Katniss had no idea what was happening inside of her, which, when she thought about it, was kind of scary. Whatever the reason was, Katniss wasn't too happy about the way her tiredness was making her feel.

Along with her fatigue was her restlessness. Without Peeta, the silence in the room was deafening. It pressed against her head, threatening to burst her eardrums. With an annoyed sigh, Katniss kicked her covers off and climbed out of bed. So much for trying to get some sleep.

Katniss rubbed the spot in her back as she leaned her forehead against her bedroom door. Just like the first time, the ache only got worse. She stared at the wood of her door. Either she could stay in her room all night, getting absolutely no sleep, worrying that same spot on the small of her back, or she could just go to Peeta's room.

Peeta, who had laughed as Johanna slipped out of her tree costume and held a conversation with her about his paintings while she was completely _naked. _

Katniss pushed open her door and rolled her eyes. She was becoming very dependent and that wasn't good at all. She was so used to dealing with things on her own that she wasn't sure how to feel about completely depending on someone to chase her nightmares away. No one was there when her father died. Katniss was the one who had to do all of the comforting. She had to make sure Prim was fed and her clothes were clean so they wouldn't be taken away from their mother. She had to sing songs to Prim at night because Prim was afraid of her dreams, the same ones Katniss was having, but she didn't tell her that.

And then she met Gale which helped her a little bit because his father had died in the mines, too. He had been awarded the same medal she had for their fathers' deaths. But having him around didn't mean she dealt with that sick feeling every time she even thought about the mines. It didn't help her mother out of the depression she'd sunk into.

But now, as Katniss stood outside of Peeta's door, she thought about how her mother was no longer depressed, they weren't starving, and Prim had clean clothes. Katniss no longer had to take care of anyone else but herself. But now there was Peeta. And the baby.

Knowing her thoughts would only annoy her, Katniss pushed them away and opened Peeta's door. He was sitting up in the bed, leaning against the headboard with his eyes closed. He opened one when she shut the door behind her.

"Hey," he said, looking at her with his one eye. He closed it again.

"Hi," Katniss answered, digging her toes into the carpet. By the way he was sitting, Peeta knew she was going to come into his room. Which annoyed her. She wasn't _that _predictable, was she? But from the way Peeta didn't even move when she sat on the edge of his bed told her that she really was.

They sat quietly for a moment until Katniss finally climbed over Peeta's legs and dropped down heavily next to him. Without hesitating, Peeta reached out and pulled Katniss against his chest, wrapping his arms around her waist. He paused a moment before he pressed his hand against her stomach.

"You can tell, can't you?" Katniss asked.

"Not really," Peeta answered, shrugging.

Katniss pulled herself up and kissed him once, softly, before she grabbed the covers and tugged them over the pair. She adjusted her pillow before she realized she probably wasn't even going to use it. Peeta pulled her against him, his fingers sliding down her spine. Almost immediately he found the ache all along her small back. He massaged it gently and Katniss felt her worry and annoyance slip out with the knot. He knew her body better than she did.

She fell asleep minutes later.

* * *

In training, Katniss did _not _want to split up. She stared, frowning, as Peeta swung an axe and Johanna picked it back up and changed his form.

Katniss turns back around to her sad excuse for a fish hooks. Mags easily fastens one out of her own hair and Katniss gives up. What would she need fishing hooks for? In the first arena, she caught the fish in her hands. She could do that again. She smiled slightly to Mags before she switched to learn about different types of knots.

Finnick sat by himself, tying complicated knots and untying them quickly. He helped Katniss with s few before she moved on again to Wiress and Beetee. Wiress pointed out the chink in the shield, the little square that shimmers.

By then, Katniss knew she wanted them in her alliance.

Leaving the pair behind, she smiled as she waled toward the bows lined up against the wall. Her fingers itched to try them out. She lifted one from the wall, tested its weight out and plucked the string. It still took her a few minutes to break it in, but by then, the helper at the station was throwing up a dozen birds at once and Katniss was taking every single one down.

The last bird hit the ground with an audible thump, and too late did Katniss realize the victors were staring at her, some smiling, some frowning. Peeta had his arms across his chest, smirking a little as if he had just proven a point. Katniss revisited the urge to stick her tongue out at him and instead stuck the bow and sheath back up on the wall. She felt like she should bow or something, but then it was lunchtime and she didn't have time.

For the next two days, Katniss and Peeta are almost accepted into the victor's circle.

When Katniss and Peeta pull a twelve from the Gamemakers, Haymitch is so furious he sends them to their rooms immediately, like a father punishing his naughty children.

Katniss pulled Peeta into her room without even asking. It was their last night together. There would be nights in the arena (hopefully) but with heavy surveillance and allies. This was their last _real _night together. Thinking about that makes something hurt in Katniss's chest.

She bit at her lip, struggling with a decision. Eventually, one side won, and Katniss caught Peeta's face in her hands. She studied the faint freckles sprinkled across his nose and his smooth skin. She kissed him, letting her hands slide down his neck and over his shoulders. He let her unbutton her shirt, but he caught her hands as she tried to push it off.

"What are you doing?" he asked, his face flushed.

"Nothing," Katniss answered. She pushed his shirt off while he was distracted and kissed his neck.

"Katniss," Peeta groaned, trying to push her hands away from him, but half-heartedly.

"Just let me," she breathed.

And he did.

* * *

thnx for reading and please please review :)


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